Not Ready For X-Mas

As I write this, I'm traveling on a Virgin America flight from San Francisco to Seattle. My first ever blog post from an airplane! Free wi
This is also means that I am typing in the presence of other passengers, which is a little stifling to my creativity. Someone looking over my shoulder constantly while I type is a little weird. Well, I guess they're not reading this. It's pretty boring so far. I don't blame them for looking elsewhere. Virgin America provides customers with plenty of distractions via the personal television screen - movies, music, games, and a map that shows the flight's progress.
Thanks to a special Google Maps program, I've determined I'm about to fly over the Columbia River, south of the Cascade Parks West neighborhood outside of Vancouver, Oregon.
Since I've typed this, I've already passed La Center and Woodland, parallel with I-5. Now I'm almost directly east of Kelso. You get the picture.
I'll be in Seattle shortly, which gives me just enough time to tell you about something I noticed this morning.
There are two movies currently broadcast on television called "A Dog Named Christmas" and "The Dog That Saved Christmas." The former film, a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, has received 9.6 out of 10 stars on IMDB. Maybe it's a little premature to gauge the quality of that film. The latter features former Superman Dean Cain. Since it's time to turn off this electronic device, I will let you determine the merits of each film.
Goodbye from the friendly skies.

Going Back in Time!!!

After much deliberation, I'm going back to my hometown in January. I studied conditions in both Portland and Seattle, and I ended up choosing the Emerald City. The City of Roses won in several categories, including transportation, cost of living, and men-to-women ratio. However, the decision came down to John Cusack and a puppy.
Let me explain. Part of the selection process was based on watching a movie filmed in each city, and judging each film on its merit and lasting impact on, um...okay, I just chose the one I liked better. Portland's landmark film was "Drugstore Cowboy," and Seattle's big flick was "Say Anything."
"Drugstore Cowboy," directed in 1989 by Gus Van Sant ("To Die For," "Good Will Hunting," "Milk"), is an artful tale of a group of junkies who scam and rob drugstores in 1970s Stumptown. It features an outstanding performance by Matt Dillon, who is fearless and delusional and caring and aloof and conniving - in short, an accurate portrayal of an addict. The seedy setting is one of the reasons this movie works, and Heather Graham's appearance doesn't hurt.
But who is more adorable and charming and perfect than Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) in "Say Anything?" The answer is: Ferris Bueller. Unfortunately, the city of Chicago is not a serious candidate. Cameron Crowe's directorial debut in 1989 matches the genius of John Hughes' pictures, plus a bit edgier. This movie is an achingly perfect love story and great from start to finish. It includes a surprising performance by Lili Taylor and superb cameos by Eric Stoltz, Bebe Neuwirth, and Joan Cusack. Like Lloyd's repeated phone messages on Diane's answering machine, I just could not ignore this film or say "No" to Seatown.
Second matter of business: I have been promised a puppy. When I move in with my friends into a house, two of them are getting a dog. Which means I will be an uncle.

So I chose Seattle.
In the words of Mr. Dobler, "I am looking for a dare to be great situation."

The Best Roast Beef Sandwich In Washington State

I just asked myself, "Jamie, aren't you working on a novel? Why are you blogging again?"

The answer I gave myself is: "I have trouble focusing on one thing for very long. Call it attention-deficit disorder, if you like, but I would liken it to multi-tasking and not placing any limits on my creativity. I will continue working on my novel tomorrow and get to my goal of 5,000 words. So leave me alone, guilty personality."

For the moment, let's concentrate on the demise of one of our most lovable American franchises, Arby's. I recently read an article on Slate about the decline of this fast food restaurant, while other franchises like McDonald's are seeing profit gains. The writer claims that Arby's (a) has not changed its menu to include seemingly-nutritious items (like the McDonald's salads, which are not that healthy), (b) it does not offer any popular items besides its sandwiches (like Wendy's original Frosty), and (c) it hasn't had a memorable ad campaign (since forever ago). Furthermore, Arby's has allegedly suffered by merging with Wendy's in 2008.
I visited an Arby's on a lunch break to see how the atmosphere compared to other successful fast food restaurants. After ordering and eating my meal, I'm a little baffled why Arby's are failing around the country. The restaurant on 15021 Pacific Avenue S. in Tacoma may be some anomaly in the whole Arby's culture, but that place has the best customer service of any fast food joint I've been in. I expect about half of all fast food cashiers to be apathetic and indifferent about their jobs, and it's sort of understandable. Many of the employees are teenagers who would rather be doing something fun then standing behind a counter wearing brightly-colored uniforms and pretending to be friendly. The young man who helped me with my order kept addressing me as "sir," which I think shows a mark of respect toward customers (call me old-fashioned). He was polite and smiled often, and it felt genuine.
I should tell you this is not the first time I've been here, and I felt exactly the same way when I interacted with another employee. Arby's is definitely doing something right. It just doesn't involve flashy ad campaigns that involve blockbuster movies or popular boardgames. At least this particular restaurant is hiring great employees and training them to provide first-class service. In addition, the Arby's I visited has two bells posted at each entrance. Next to the bell reads a placard that says: "Ring For Great Service!" On my way out the door, I did not hesitate to make some noise. I think this is a fantastic way to create a fun environment that rewards employees and invites customers to show their appreciation.
In regards to the food, I have to say the curly fries are pretty tasty. Second, Arby's is unique in offering Arby's original sauce and Horsey sauce, and allowing customers to put as much sauce as they want on a sandwich.
Not sure what Arby's needs to do to stay relevant. Perhaps it needs to come up with a character more captivating than "Oven Mitt." I don't think it needs to offer more healthy food. I don't go to Dairy Queen because I want apple slices. I want a frickin' Blizzard! For the same reason, I want to be able to drown my roast beef sandwich in Arby's sauce. I have a much better view of Arby's than Jack in the Box, Carl's Jr., or Taco Bell, because I've never gotten sick from one of its sandwiches. That fact, however, can't be communicated in a commercial or print ad. "It doesn't cause diarrhea" doesn't sit well (no pun intended). Maybe the franchise needs an elite celebrity endorsement, such as the man discussed below.

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For some reason, I can't get the Poll gadget on my blog to work (thanks, Scott, for letting me know). It requires users to sign in, and I don't know how to deactivate that. So here's my poll for the day, which may require you to listen to Journey songs on youtube.

How much do you love Steve Perry?
A. Separate Ways
B. Open Arms
C. Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'

Day After Veteran's Day

Never work in a public library the day after a holiday.
People are crazier than normal. One day of being closed completely throws off the weekly rhythm of our patrons. It's like they've been deprived of a drug, and now their craving (for information and time on Facebook) is ravenous and they are more irrational.

So when the power goes off for a half second in the building, causing all the computers to reboot, it's not a minor bump in the road. It's a reason for someone to complain, "My computer's not loading worth shit," and soon others chime in, "Mine's not working, either."
I wanted to say to all of them: "There is not a fucking magic button that immediately makes all the computers run at full speed. If I knew about this button, I would be either ridiculously rich or I would at least hold a position where I didn't have to talk to you. The only thing I can suggest is patience, a virtue that does not seem to be in your possession."
Instead I said, "Try logging off and on your computers one more time, and hopefully it will work. That is all I can tell you right now, and I might need to call tech services."
Deal with it, people. Try living in another country, where events transpire much slower. Look what instant gratification has gotten you thus far: an unplanned pregnancy.
Okay, my last comment went too far. But dealing with angry people who only think about themselves gets a little tiresome. Most of the time, this frustration can be suppressed and I can shrug it off. Today was different.

One of the reasons our patrons were irritable is because the library recently shifted to a new computer reservation system. When we first unveiled it, people were eager to try it out and encouraged that they could book a computer station hours ahead of time. However, there is a percentage of people who fear change. They are comfortable with writing their name on a waiting list, and they are not interested in learning a new technology. They seem to think that the new system is a waste of time, conveniently forgetting about all the time they've waited for computer stations in the past. Many library systems use this method (Seattle Public and King County's users have been reserving computers this way for years), so Pierce County is just catching up with the cool kids. It's that awkward phase where we have to convince people it can be more convenient for them. I acknowledge it's not an easy transition for everyone, but it is more efficient (less work for us and them monitoring the list on paper) and prevents mix-ups about who is first, second, third, etc. in line to use a computer.
Sometimes it pains me to confront people who are so resistant to change. Because if they are furious about a simple procedural change (one woman commented: "Now I remember why I don't come to the library"), how can we even start to fix broader problems like health care and education?
And the answer is unfortunately: We ignore these cantankerous people and we force the changes on them.
Oh God, my rant got political. And I realize that I am fully in favor of totalitarianism.

Alright, let's end with a funny story (and then I'll get back to writing my novel):
A woman came up to me the other day at the information desk and asked me for books about names. I showed her a few items, thinking that maybe she was trying to find the perfect name for her baby. Then she whispered to me, "Do you have any books about identity change?" She was talking so quietly that I almost couldn't hear her. As if someone would overhear our conversation and immediately reveal her true identity and her past would come crashing down on her. She was wearing a straw hat with a wide brim, that no doubt kept others from noticing her.
What was this woman's story? Was she on the lam after fleeing a crime scene, a crazed husband, or a failed embezzlement scheme? Something about a woman on the run turning to the public library for a fresh start is humorous to me. Maybe one way for libraries to evolve in the twenty-first century is to provide a certain degree of "protection" for patrons. Either that, or offer private investigation services.

Blogger Hiatus

No, I'm not going to Italy again. I'm doing something even better - writing a good old-fashioned novel. After this morning, I have 967 words. I'm aiming for a total of 50,000 words, because it's a nice round number. So I'm going to be laying off the blog for a little while. My creative energy and powers of observation will be focused entirely on composing a New York Times bestseller, that will eventually be made into a Coen Brothers film. Don't tell me I'm delusional. I'm going to be rich. Filthy rich! And that's when I'll start blogging again, as a conceited celebrity who just wants to be loved and not judged for his drug habit and drunk driving charges.

Either way, I hope to be done with the first draft well before March Madness, which is more important than anything.

Measuring Success At Two In The Morning

What are the indicators of a successful party? How do you know when your holiday bash is meeting standards for fun?

Okay, you had plenty to drink and felt buzzed. Maybe you danced with a cute girl or boy. And you liked the music and cupcakes. But what benchmarks or milestones show that a good time was had by all? Last night I was at a Halloween party that went pretty swimmingly. Several factors made it a rollicking good time, and I'm going to share them with you. If these things happen, you know your party is going well (for a social gathering that has 30+ revelers).

1. The song "Thriller" is played during the middle or second half of the party.
2. You have to yell really loud to get people's attention.
3. Every last drop of the mystery punch is consumed.
4. People are constantly flowing into different rooms and areas of the house (and thus mixing with strangers and getting to know new people).
5. Two people who meet at the party end up making out.
6. A contest or activity attracts avid participants (this party had a costume contest as well as fire-twirling in the backyard).
7. There are five people dressed as California Raisins.
8. Some object is completely destroyed (Devon and I jumped on Neal's refrigerator costume repeatedly and it was very gratifying - it was our version of a pinata).
9. The dance floor is consistently populated.
10. Conga Line! (I confess I joined the line because I got to dance behind a very hot female version of Mega Man).