More Of My Mortal Foes

Here's a look at the bottom half of the leaderboard in my NCAA pool (continued from yesterday). Every player on here is less threatening than the skim milk I put on my cereal this morning. The date on the carton said March 14th, but it smelled okay to me. I didn't suffer any stomach aches, and I don't expect any of these people's picks to bother me much.
As you can see, there are three players vying for the coveted title of "Best Michael."
Fact: Two out of three Michaels agree that Connecticut will make the Final Four.

The 8th Annual Player's Club Invitational Cellar Dwellers:

David Copperfield

Featured in: David Copperfield

Author: Charles Dickens

True Identity: Steve Jr. - Copperfield is an appropriate choice, as every year is filled with Dickensian despair, and he is left scarred by his hardships (like the oppressive beatings of the Murdstones and the death of his sweet wife Dora)

Hari Seldon

Featured in: Foundation series

Author: Isaac Asimov

True Identity: Michael the Older - Despite his extensive psychohistorical studies at Streeling on the planet of Trantor, his feeble mind is unable to make basic predictions, and thus cannot be considered a being with sentinent intelligence

Pat Conroy

Featured in: My Losing Season

Author: Pat Conroy (The Prince of Tides, The Great Santini, etc.)

True Identity: Dad (Jim) - Finished a respectable 2nd place last year, but the title of Conroy's memoir, My Losing Season, writes its own punchline

Pennywise

Featured in: It

Author: Stephen King

True Identity: Brock - I said this about the crazy clown last year and it appears he's a genius (just a few years early): "trapped in a delusional mindset where Louisville and Pittsburgh advancing to the Final Four seems like a foregone conclusion"

Philip Marlowe

Featured in: The Big Sleep, The Long Goodbye, Farewell, My Lovely, etc.

Author: Raymond Chandler

True Identity: Brian - Marlowe once said, "She'd make for a jazzy week-end, but she'd be wearing for a steady diet" - he was talking about a dame, and the same can be said for Showcase's bracket

Nancy Drew

Featured in: The Secret of the Old Clock, The Clue of the Velvet Mask, The Clue of the Broken Locket, etc.

Author: Carolyn Keene

True Identity: Mom (Nancy) - Always asking for a magnifying glass to read things and constantly concerned about her hair - that's why I usually go to Scooby-Doo and the Hardy Boys if I want to solve a mystery

The Game

Featured in: The Game

Author: Neil Strauss

True Identity: The New Michael - This noted pick-up artist has successfully navigated out of the friend zone, but is still clueless when it comes to hoops - desparately needs a wingman to explain the basics (preferably not David Faustino)

Tyler Durden

Featured in: Fight Club

Author: Chuck Palahniuk

True Identity: Me - "I want you to hit me as hard as you can!!!"

Scarlett

Featured in: Gone With The Wind

Author: Margaret Mitchell

True Identity: Aunt Pat - Scarlett's last words are certainly applicable - "After all, tomorrow is another day!" - sadly, the South will not rise again

Superfudge

Featured in: Superfudge

Author: Judy Blume

True Identity: I'm guessing this is Matthew Bowman - I prefer that he change his name to Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

Jack London Simpson

Featured in: (wrote The Call of the Wild, White Fang, The Sea Wolf, etc.)

Author: Jack London

True Identity: Jack - He's old enough to have witnessed the Alaskan Gold Rush, but his gold-panning skills are subpar, at best

Lady Catherine de Bourgh

Featured in: Pride and Prejudice

Author: Jane Austen

True Identity: Alison - lastly, Alison, poor Alison, whose misfortunes are caused by her haughty and cross behavior - when will she learn that her social standing does not allow her to do anything she pleases?

Analysis of the No.2-No. 3 matchups in the next day or so...
(Photo: A sunburnt Willie Nelson)