Time to get to know who you're playing against, March Madness pool participants. Let's start with the stalwarts of the two 20th Century superpowers, followed by other important people of the Western Hemisphere. Notably absent from our field are Manuel Noriega, Pancho Villa, and James Buchanan.
The Americans
Aunt Pat
Name: Abe Lincoln
Highest Finish: 6th (2010)
2011 Champion Pick: Ohio St.
Fun fact: In his famous debates with Democrat Stephen Douglas, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed that a “house divided against itself cannot stand.” He also coined the saying, “check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
Charles
Name: ESPN-worldwide leader in sports
Highest Finish: 9th (2009)
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun fact: “Jim Rome Is Burning” is the second most popular television program in Suriname.
Vince O’Flaherty
Name: Vincent O’Flaherty
Highest Finish: 1st (2003)
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas St.
Fun fact: In 1982, Mr. O’Flaherty discovered the original recipe for Coca-Cola underneath a seat cushion inside an Atlanta waffle house. He promptly used it as a napkin.
Bill Rochfort
Name: Bill Rochfort
Highest Finish: Rookie
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun fact: Mr. Rochfort has 12-game winning streak in Chinese checkers, and yet he has never won a game of HORSE. It’s unbelievable, really...
The Russians
Matt Bowman
Name: Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov
Highest Finish: 6th (2009)
2011 Champion Pick: Pittsburgh
Fun fact: During Vladimir Lenin’s five year reign, civil war broke out in Russia. Lenin called on his Red Army to defeat the dissidents, known as the White Russians. Why isn’t there a popular cocktail called “Red Army?” How much grenadine is too much grenadine?
Mom/Nancy
Name: Nikita Khrushchev
Highest Finish: 4th (2009)
2011 Champion Pick: San Diego St.
Fun fact: In 1963, Khrushchev decided to remove Soviet missiles from Cuba, and a catastrophic confrontation between two superpowers was avoided. But he did leave a fully operational 120-foot tall Molotov cocktail on the island, just as a reminder.
Brian
Name: Feodor the Bellringer
Highest Finish: 2nd (2005)
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun fact: Feodor took a different approach to governing than his father Ivan the Terrible. He let his brother-in-law run the country, while he traveled to various cities and rang church bells. In his journal, the tsar kept personalized rankings of the most comfortable church pews. The Church of Christ in Irkutsk was his favorite.
The Pan-American Revolutionaries
Paula
Name: Evita
Highest Finish: 3rd (2007)
2011 Champion Pick: Ohio St.
Fun fact: Before marrying Argentine president Juan Peron, Eva Peron worked as a radio and television actress. Madonna, who played “Evita” in the movie, has never taken an acting class in her life.
Missy (girlfriend)
Name: Che
Highest Finish: Rookie
2011 Champion Pick: Ohio St.
Fun fact: Until Che was executed in 1967, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were the most famous people to be killed by the Bolivian Army.
Me aka The Commish
Name: Fidel Castro (pictured above)
Highest Finish: 1st (2002, 2004)
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun fact: After being released from a Cuban prison, Castro went to Mexico to plan his overthrowing of General Batista’s government. Che Guevara joined forces with Castro, on the condition that no other insurgent in their group would be able to wear a beret. Che didn’t want anyone stealing his signature look, least of all Castro.
Dad/Jim
Name: Pierre Trudeau (pictured above)
Highest Finish: 2nd (2003, 2008)
2011 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun fact: John Lennon once said that “if all politicians were like Pierre Trudeau, there would be world peace.” Yoko Ono, on the other hand, was a fervent believer in Quebec separatism, and heckled Trudeau every chance she got.
In a day or two, get to know the rest of your competition...from the far reaches of Europe, Africa and Asia.
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