My First Baseball Playoff Game

I know what you're saying.
"But Jamie, the baseball playoffs don't start until October."
Well, obviously you've never been to a Triple-A playoff game.

Tonight, I attended a Tacoma Rainiers playoff game (vs. the Sacramento Rivercats) with my friend Holly. The atmosphere was not exactly electric. The parking lot outside Cheney Stadium was mostly empty, and there were only about 25 fans in the general admission bleachers (usually the most enthusiastic and inebriated section). I guess a Wednesday night does not draw many fans, even if it is Game 1 of a 5-game playoff series.

The night got off to a promising start. Rhubarb, the Mariner Moose look-alike mascot, came up behind me and gave me a back massage. And then he gave me a kiss. Which included a "lip-smack" sound effect. Like mimes, I thought mascots weren't supposed to make sounds. I was wrong.

The game quickly got ugly when the Evil Empire scored 3 runs in the top of the 1st inning. I call them the Evil Empire because they've won the last two Triple-A championships (so I suppose they resemble the Yankees of the late 90s; disregard the fact that Sacramento is an Oakland A's franchise). The Rivercats added two more in the 2nd inning. Fortunately, the disappointing beginning was interuppted by the Fun Squad's dance performance of the song "Thriller." Rhubarb was wearing a red leather jacket, while his dance companions were clothed in ripped zombie shirts. The choreography was amazing. I can't really describe it. Maybe something like this.

Every time Rivercats outfield Chris Denorfia walked up to bat, some heckler would yell:

"Hey, Number 16! Get a real job!"

Yet it was unclear what constituted a proper occupation. Or why 29 year-old Chris Denorfia of Bristol, Connecticut, deserved this taunt more than other players...and if the heckler actually held a decent job.

One of the highlights of the night was receiving a souvenir from the Fun Squad (the Fun Squad consists of high school girls with elite cheering skills and expert swag distribution skills). During one of the inning breaks, the announcer shouted, "Hey Rainiers fans, who wants a softy ball?" I wasn't really sure what a softy ball was. But after two cups of Mirror Pond beer, I was thinking, "Yes, I want a softy ball. Throw it the fuck over here." Two elderly people were leaving early from the game and just as a Fun Squad girl was throwing it toward me, they got in my way. I almost lost my shit. But the older couple did the right thing and they gave me the softy ball. They told me to give it to the "little ones" if I had any "little ones." I was like, "No, I don't have any children, but hand it over, Gramps."

$6 tickets. $6 beers. Free softy ball (pictured above). You can't beat Tacoma Rainiers baseball.