March Mammals, Part One

Now to introduce the various players of the 9th Annual Player's Club Invitational, starting with the people native to the Pacific Northwest. I applaud everyone's creativity in choosing a mammal that best represents his or her spirit.

Rick (brother)
Mammal Name: Baby Beluga
Highest Finish: 7th (2003)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: Baby Belugas are born black to bluish. After about five years, they gain their white creamy color. [Insert Michael Jackson joke here] The beluga is listed as an endangered species in Alaska.
A group of belugas is called a pod.

Tina (sister-in-law)
Mammal Name: Sly Fox
Highest Finish: 2nd (2009)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: Red foxes communicate to other scavenging foxes with their urine. By smelling the urine, foxes can tell if the site is worth their attention or if they should move elsewhere. Foxes prefer free-range chickens and organically-grown vegetables.
A group of foxes is called a leash or a skulk.

Brian
Mammal Name: Stupid Lazy Squirrel Monkeys
Highest Finish: 2nd (2005)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: The main predators of squirrel monkeys (that weigh 1-3 lbs.) are eagles and hawks. These monkeys are not all that lazy - they're constantly foraging for fruit and insects. But they are pretty stupid. They don't even know how to play checkers.
A group of monkeys is called a barrel. It's not just a game.

Robert
Mammal Name: Wombats of Doom
Highest Finish: 4th (2008)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: Like other marsupials, female wombats have pouches, except they face backwards. Even though they are short, stocky animals, wombats can run up to 25 mph AND THEY STOP FOR NO ONE!
A group of wombats is called a wisdom.

Me (or "Unkie Jam Jam," as my dog knows me)
Mammal Name: Nonsensical Nutria
Highest Finish: 1st (2002, 2004)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: A nutria is like a small beaver, except awesome. With their reddish incisor teeth, they've managed to ruin marshland ecosystems in Louisiana and the Chesapeake Bay. Way to go, invasive species!
A group of nutria is called a colony.

Charles
Mammal Name: George W. Bushy-tailed Olingo (pictured above)
Highest Finish: 9th (2009)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: Olingos live in trees, stay up late at night and eat small mammals and birds. Despite being known as fiscally conservative, olingos vote on increases in military spending year after year.
I couldn't find what a group of olingos is called, but a group of kinkajous (similar animals) is called a troop.

Steve
Mammal Name: Steve Liday
Highest Finish: 9th (2003)
2010 Champion Pick: West Virginia
Fun Facts: Steve is horrible at both Jenga and Boggle.
A group of Steves is called a bevy.

Steve, Sr.
Mammal Name: Oregon Giraffe
Highest Finish: 10th (2009)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: The giraffe is the tallest land mammal. That means, when a female gives birth, the baby giraffe falls more than five feet to the ground. Ouch.
A group of giraffes is called a tower.

Brock
Mammal Name: Pennywise
Highest Finish: 1st (2005)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: I can't provide fun facts about fictional clowns. Change your name, Brock Poe.
A group of Brocks is called a mob.

Michael Busick
Mammal Name: Dynomutt, Wonder Dog
Highest Finish: 7th (2006, 2009)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: Dynomutt teamed up with Blue Falcon in the 1970s to fight crime on television. Officially classified as Hannah Barberis canus robotus.
A group of wonder dogs is called a "cyberpack."

Dr. Ron
Mammal Name: (going) Commando
Highest Finish: 6th (2008)
2010 Champion Pick: Kansas
Fun Facts: If you're going to stick with a Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, you could have at least chosen "Predator."
A group of commandos is called a regiment.

Player introductions continue this weekend. Stay tuned...