Sexpresso, Part 2

Months ago, I discussed the popularity of bikini-clad baristas at Puget Sound latte stands. I had stated that this kind of coffee service makes me uncomfortable. The same way being at a strip club makes me uncomfortable. Well, that was before I learned what was happening at Grab n' Go Espresso in Everett. Apparently, baristas at this coffee stand allow men to touch their bare breasts and asses, for a minimal fee...which is why five women were charged with prostitution last week.

Yes, just in case you were wondering, it does a constitute a sex act if you pay someone $20 to expose herself. Even if she's in the act of preparing a mochachino with extra foam. But let's not get bogged down in the legal aspects of this kind of entertainment. Should these ladies be criticized for being creative in their means of presentation? When baristas are licking whip cream off of each other, they're just convincing customers of the tastiness of whip cream and its multiple uses. When they offer to play "basketball" (allowing men to throw wadded-up money into their underpants), how is this any different than a carnival game at a state fair? And honestly, shouldn't the Everett Police be more concerned about the kind of prostitution that involves sexual intercourse? The officers probably figured this would be easier and more fun to investigate than going after the pimps.
"Okay, one more whip cream show just to make sure what they're doing is wrong. We just need a little more evidence."

According to KOMO News' Michelle Esteban, customers could order a "special show with their cup of joe" if they specified a "20 oz. latte." This seems like a stupid codeword to me. What if I really wanted a 20 oz. latte and nothing else? Or am I supposed to wink twice at the end of my order, so they know what I'm talking about?

I appreciate the comment left by a reader on the Everett Herald website: "Difficult to make a decision regarding this story: I believe that barista pictures would help the reader's understanding immensely."
Hopefully the above photo will help all of you make an informed decision. I vote YES.

Sexpresso - Another Term Almost As Annoying As Staycation

On my walk to and from the auto mechanic today, I noticed a coffee stand on Meridian Street in the South Hill area.
Well, actually the first thing I noticed was a bleached blond woman in a bikini. She was making a coffee drink. On my second time by the establishment, the blond had been replaced by a dark-haired woman. This latte vixen was leaning over the counter toward a man in an old hatchback, exposing her cleavage as much as possible.
The name of the stand is Hot Chick-A-Latte (clever, huh?) and it's not the only franchise in the Puget Sound that takes advantage of horny men. Cowgirls Espresso adheres to the motto "Forget what you think a barista's supposed to look like." This post-modernist philosophy has produced a semi-structured schedule* to allure customers:

Military Monday
Cowgirls Tuesday
Bikini Wednesday
School Girl Thursday (shouldn't they be in class on Thursdays? it's very naughty to miss first period Social Studies)
Fantasy Friday (will there be elves and fairies? or will there be dirty cops? probably a little too much information regarding my fantasies)

Bikini Bottom Espresso, another coffee stand chain (with locations in Tacoma, Lakewood, and Puyallup and not related to Spongebob Squarepants), promises "that our girls will leave you with a smile on your face and a tantalizing experience in your cup."

Now, I acknowledge that these sexy latte stands are providing healthy tips for industrious young women. But I would feel embarrassed to drive up and have to order a drink called a "Wet Dream." More to the point, it's now okay for me to stare at a woman's ass while she's working? This may be sending my brain the wrong message. Pretty soon, I'll be ogling a McDonald's employee's bosom while she's making my McFlurry. And next thing you know, I'm checking out the curves on the bus drivers, post office employees, and meter maids.
It's a slippery slope, my friend.
Think of the children.

But maybe some folks out there find the sound of steaming milk arousing. (Cssshshhhshshshhhshhh)
And to each his own.
(Cssshshhhshshshhhshhh)

*How about Slavery Saturdays and Satanic Sundays? I admit it would be a little harder to time shots perfectly with manacles on your wrists, or a trident in one hand.