Continuing with my introduction of March Madness participants in 2012...I guess you could call them my friends, but for three weeks out of the year, they are my mortal enemies:
Charles
Name: Shear Madness & Udder Chaos
Highest Finish: 4th (2011)
2012 Champion Pick: Kentucky
Special power: Points for creativity! No, I will not award you points in the pool, but bravo for coming up with a sheep and cow crimefighter duo, who fight villains like Masta Don and Panda Monium. I just wish there were more puns at Charles’ disposal.
Brian
Name: Topo the Octopus
Highest Finish: 2nd (2005)
2012 Champion Pick: Ohio St.
Special power: Topo is a cephalopod with unusually high intelligence, so naturally he is good pals with Aquaman. Green Arrow taught him archery and he can play several musical instruments at once...are these skills applicable underwater?
Bill Bowman
Name: Bacchus - God of Intoxication
Highest Finish: 1st (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Kentucky
Special power: As the consummate (double entendre) partier and the creator of wine, Bacchus often found himself in the company of pretty raucous revelers, including nymphs and satyrs. A satyr, by the way, is a pipe player that roams the woods and mountains, and it’s part human and part goat. But don’t ever confuse a satyr for a faun or a centaur. That will land you in deep trouble.
Sue Bowman
Name: Underdog
Highest Finish: 1st (2009)
2012 Champion Pick:
Special power: This dog in a cape should mostly be applauded for teaching kids to rhyme. A few examples are: (1) “There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!” (2) “I am a hero who never fails, I can’t be bothered with such details,” and (3) “When Polly’s in trouble, I am not slow, it’s hip, hip, hip, and away I go!”
Kim
Name: Archangel Michael
Highest Finish: 1st (2010)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Like all archangels, Michael delivers messages from God to people and vice versa. And I understand that he defeated Satan in heaven, which is a big deal. However, the Archangel Gabriel had 140 pairs of wings, so he probably could fly faster. Just sayin’.
Robert
Name: Epimetheus
Highest Finish: 4th (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Eppy, as I like to call him, was Prometheus’ foolish brother. While Prometheus was busy creating a man out of clay, Eppy was handing out qualities to animals and creatures in a lackadaisical fashion, like strength, speed, and flight. “Here you go, ostrich! Here’s a long neck and some wings that are useless for flying!” In the course of his random gift-giving, he forgot to save any special traits for humans.
Michael Busick
Name: Black Lightning
Highest Finish: 7th (2006, 2009)
2012 Champion Pick: North Carolina
Special power: Once a member of the Justice League and parodied in a Saturday Night Live skit by the comedian Sinbad, Black Lightning can generate bursts of lightning (also called electricity). He was one of the first African-American superheroes, and was considerably more talented than Blackwing, Black Spider, Black Racer, Black Eagle or Black Panther.
Tom
Name: The Invisible Man
Highest Finish: 3rd (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Speaking of African Americans, The Invisible Man was a novel written in 1952 by Ralph Ellison, about a nameless black man living in small town in the South, and later in Harlem, who struggles to define his place in society. But maybe Tom was thinking about H.G. Wells’ novel of the same name (published in 1897), where a scientist turns himself invisible, and is unable to reverse the effects, with murderous consequences. I have read neither classic novel, and I feel ashamed. But, like the main characters, I can’t seem to escape my tragic fate.
Part 3 of superhero introductions will follow shortly. I didn’t forget about you, Aquaman!
Charles
Name: Shear Madness & Udder Chaos
Highest Finish: 4th (2011)
2012 Champion Pick: Kentucky
Special power: Points for creativity! No, I will not award you points in the pool, but bravo for coming up with a sheep and cow crimefighter duo, who fight villains like Masta Don and Panda Monium. I just wish there were more puns at Charles’ disposal.
Brian
Name: Topo the Octopus
Highest Finish: 2nd (2005)
2012 Champion Pick: Ohio St.
Special power: Topo is a cephalopod with unusually high intelligence, so naturally he is good pals with Aquaman. Green Arrow taught him archery and he can play several musical instruments at once...are these skills applicable underwater?
Bill Bowman
Name: Bacchus - God of Intoxication
Highest Finish: 1st (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Kentucky
Special power: As the consummate (double entendre) partier and the creator of wine, Bacchus often found himself in the company of pretty raucous revelers, including nymphs and satyrs. A satyr, by the way, is a pipe player that roams the woods and mountains, and it’s part human and part goat. But don’t ever confuse a satyr for a faun or a centaur. That will land you in deep trouble.
Sue Bowman
Name: Underdog
Highest Finish: 1st (2009)
2012 Champion Pick:
Special power: This dog in a cape should mostly be applauded for teaching kids to rhyme. A few examples are: (1) “There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!” (2) “I am a hero who never fails, I can’t be bothered with such details,” and (3) “When Polly’s in trouble, I am not slow, it’s hip, hip, hip, and away I go!”
Kim
Name: Archangel Michael
Highest Finish: 1st (2010)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Like all archangels, Michael delivers messages from God to people and vice versa. And I understand that he defeated Satan in heaven, which is a big deal. However, the Archangel Gabriel had 140 pairs of wings, so he probably could fly faster. Just sayin’.
Robert
Name: Epimetheus
Highest Finish: 4th (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Eppy, as I like to call him, was Prometheus’ foolish brother. While Prometheus was busy creating a man out of clay, Eppy was handing out qualities to animals and creatures in a lackadaisical fashion, like strength, speed, and flight. “Here you go, ostrich! Here’s a long neck and some wings that are useless for flying!” In the course of his random gift-giving, he forgot to save any special traits for humans.
Michael Busick
Name: Black Lightning
Highest Finish: 7th (2006, 2009)
2012 Champion Pick: North Carolina
Special power: Once a member of the Justice League and parodied in a Saturday Night Live skit by the comedian Sinbad, Black Lightning can generate bursts of lightning (also called electricity). He was one of the first African-American superheroes, and was considerably more talented than Blackwing, Black Spider, Black Racer, Black Eagle or Black Panther.
Tom
Name: The Invisible Man
Highest Finish: 3rd (2008)
2012 Champion Pick: Michigan St.
Special power: Speaking of African Americans, The Invisible Man was a novel written in 1952 by Ralph Ellison, about a nameless black man living in small town in the South, and later in Harlem, who struggles to define his place in society. But maybe Tom was thinking about H.G. Wells’ novel of the same name (published in 1897), where a scientist turns himself invisible, and is unable to reverse the effects, with murderous consequences. I have read neither classic novel, and I feel ashamed. But, like the main characters, I can’t seem to escape my tragic fate.
Part 3 of superhero introductions will follow shortly. I didn’t forget about you, Aquaman!
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