Done With Alacrity!

Don't know if anyone noticed (probably not), but I picked the Elite Eight game results perfectly based on strengths of the team mascots. I knew there was a science to March Madness. I just didn't know someone with a Bachelor of Arts degree and Master's degree (like myself) could understand it. Turns out you don't need a Ph.D. in bracketology. You just need the ability to analyze anthropomorphized characters wearing synthetic fur.
Like any true scientist, I need to test my hypothesis again to make sure it's valid. Let's give it another shot. By Monday, we'll know if I can submit my research to an academic journal.

Final Four Semifinals
Hink the Bulldog (Butler) vs. Sparty (Michigan State)
Sparty's state-of-the-art costume, consisting of fiberglass molds and a vinyl chest plate, costs $8,000. In this formal attire, the jolly green giant supports Michigan State athletes and fans in many ways, including weddings and barmitzvahs. You don't have to be at a sports event to party with Sparty.
But I should mention that Hink is not the only mascot at Butler. There's Butler Blue II (pictured above with Colin Powell), a six year-old bulldog that runs onto the court before home games. If the NCAA Final Four officials allow him to run loose, so will the basketball team.
Edge: Hink and Butler Blue II. They only have to travel 5.7 miles from the Butler campus to Lucas Oil Stadium. Heck, they could even take public transportation. Indianapolis does have a bus system, right?

The Mountaineer (West Virginia) vs. The Blue Devil (Duke)
Both mascots have a long history of cheering on athletes and cheering up fans. Mountaineer men and women have been supporting West Virginia (in costume) since the 1934-35 season. The only lapse in their service to fans was during 1943 and 1944, when I assume the Mountaineer was abroad fighting the Axis powers. The Blue Devil made its first appearance at a football game in 1929. In the early years, it looked like a court jester with horns.
Edge: The Mountaineer. A man versus a devil doesn't seem like a fair fight. But this reminds me eerily of "The Devil and Daniel Webster."

NCAA Championship Final
Hink and Butler Blue II vs. The Mountaineer
Edge: The Mountaineer. I want to apologize for suggesting in an earlier post that The Mountaineer was a man. For the entire 2009-10 season, The Mountaineer is Rebecca Durst (next year, it's Brock Burwell). A pretty woman in buckskins versus a cute little dog? Rebecca wins by a nose.

Now that I have it all figured out, please excuse me. I need to call my bookie.