Next Stop, Sillyville Station!!!

One of the disparities I noticed at the Puyallup Fair yesterday was the amount of cages devoted to pigeons compared to those with bunnies. I mean, there were a lot of pigeons. I'm talking about a full barn of birds that don't differ too much in size or shape or personality. Not as cute as the ducks or as interesting as the turkeys - which is why pigeons are usually ignored. They are perceived as unsanitary street birds who live off the leftover crumbs of city dwellers, and they're maybe only a notch above crows, in terms of respect. According to the dictionary, "pigeon" is actually slang for (a) a young woman, or (b) a person who is easily fooled or cheated. Well, in this case, the pigeons have apparently tricked people into displaying them in large numbers. It's not a surprise that this barn was almost empty, except for a group of people clamoring around a incubator of baby chicks.

Nonetheless, the pigeon barn provided a quiet rest stop from the other activities on the fairgrounds. Shouts and screams accompanied the grinding of roller coaster wheels. Yelps of excitement came from the mouths of souvenir-crazed, face-painted boys and girls. A creepy guttural voice emanated the High Striker booth, where a microphone-wearing carnival worker implored people to slap a hefty hammer onto a metal block.

I am just outside Sillyville, where amusement rides and rigged carnival games mingle with inflatable unicorns and fried food. There are a few language barriers to overcome. A corn dog, for example, is called a "krusty pup." The man who handed me two balls to throw at metal milk bottles is toothless. I can't understand what he is saying. But I know that I lost. My first pitch knocks the top bottle from its perch. My second pitch sails high - wap! - into the plastic drape. I do not win a stuffed animal imported from China and I feel swindled. I should have tried the Hoop Shot instead (and maybe I would have ended up with a framed High School Musical poster).

Besides the roller coaster ride, the animals are the stars here. The pygmy goats are admirable because they're small. Their chests hang low to the ground like daschunds and they occasionally bleat, to tell you that one or more of their four stomachs could use nourishment. They're not picky. Just let them eat something. Now.

The piglets laying in the hay next to their massive mother are fast asleep, and nothing will wake them up. They couldn't possibly be the reason behind swine flu. They're much too lazy.

The highland cattle have amazing bangs and facial hair (pictured). They are the hipsters of cows. They shun black and white Holstein fashion and they let their hair grow out. Yeah, they're dairy cows, but don't tell anybody. A few of them have worked at record stores and met members of The Clash. They would like to travel to Eastern Europe.

And then there's the "Doggies of the Wild West" show. I just caught the last few minutes, but it featured a tiny dog climbing a ladder. With a helmet on. You tell me that's not's entertainment.