Why can't librarians be gung-ho and cutthroat? Why are we always portrayed as gentle, timid people?First of all, we are not weak. Librarians develop some pretty good muscles carrying and lifting stacks of James Patterson novels. Second, we have all sorts of books on kendo and kung fu. If we chose to read them, we would be able to kick your deliquent ass (if you have fines over $50). Third, we know more about waterboarding than you think. Librarians listen to NPR all the time. We know that torture has been condemned by the current administration. But we're not afraid to use these methods to determine the location of a Kid Rock CD (after the case has been returned empty).
The following excerpts are descriptions of books that perpetuate the myth of the "unassuming librarian." We need your help to eliminate this widespread problem. Please do not buy or borrow these items. Ever.
Fleece Navidad by Maggie Sefton:
"Christmas is approaching, and the knitters who hang out at House of Lambspun in Fort Connor, Colorado, are working on various holiday projects. Even neophyte knitter Kelly is inspired to help in a project teaching children how to knit. The venture is headed by the quiet town librarian, Juliet, well known for her beautiful hand-knitted Christmas capes. Everyone at House of Lambspun loves the unassuming librarian and is horrified to learn of her death in a hit-and-run accident..."
The Return of Don Quixote by G.K. Chesterton:
"Michael Herne is a gentle, unassuming librarian. When he is asked to play a king in a medieval play he reluctantly agrees. After the play is over, however, strange things begin to happen..."
The Librarian by Larry Beinhart:
"Mild-mannered university librarian David Goldberg decides to supplement his meager salary by cataloging the personal library of Augustus Winthrop Scott, an eccentric billionaire. The fact that Scott is an ultraconservative who thinks nothing of buying politicians and even stealing a presidential election does not bother Goldberg..."
Trojan Enchantment by Kristina O'Donnelly:
"Olivia Hayden, 24, mild-mannered librarian from Indianapolis, USA, is a chrysalis eager to be a butterfly. Until now, just about the only aspect of hers fit to be called free-spirited, was her riotous red-gold hair..."
And finally this review by Publisher Weekly of The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger that paints librarians as somehow disabled, and unable to function in real time:
"Henry De Tamble is a Chicago librarian with "Chrono Displacement" disorder; at random times, he suddenly disappears without warning and finds himself in the past or future, usually at a time or place of importance in his life..."
The only realistic portrayal of the profession comes from Full Exposure by Diana Duncan:
"To the passengers aboard the cruise ship Alexandra's Dream, Ariana Bennett appears to be an unassuming librarian. But her real mission is to probe the underworld of antiquities smuggling and find the criminals who framed her father and caused his death..."
Sir, you are forgetting the most potent of all librarian stereotypes (and the one I think most aptly describes you). That's right, I'm talking about the sexy librarian. If you got all gussied up in a short skirt and your black rimmed glasses I'd be down in Tacoma every day checking out more than books if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little known fact that the made for TV movie The Librarian is actually a true story - based on the life of the Camel himself. Or so I am led to believe. But fear not, I will not perpetuate the Indiana Jones-esque stereotype either.
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