No More Rage

One thing I'll miss about having a car is being angry at stupid people.

I won't be frustrated when another person drives erratically or cuts me off or makes an ill-advised turn, causing me to apply full pressure to my brakes and shout, "You've got to be kidding me!"
I won't be pissed off when someone parks their car like a jerk. Either using up two spaces or not allowing enough space to parallel park, or making it impossible for your car to get out. And the most questionable tactic of all time: parking in my designated space.
I will no longer be emotionally affected by these offenses. Thus leading to less stress and allowing me to divert my attention to more important matters, such as "Can I make chipotle mayonnaise at home?" and "Why can't they make a more durable tennis ball?"
I certainly won't have to spend as much time writing hate-fueled notes, to be placed underneath the offenders' windshield wipers. Someone has to put those people in their place, but it's not gonna be me anymore. For those of you who continue to commute and compete for parking spaces, I've compiled a list of notes that may help you deal with irritating automobile behavior. In fact, most of them have uses beyond parking violations. You could easily put this sort of message in an e-mail, text or bridge banner. Next time you get irritated, give one of these try.

"You have not earned my respect."

"Once upon a time, there was a guy who owned a Toyota Tercel. Life was pretty sunny and he thought he was really going places. Then his car exploded."

"Your brake lines are fine. Don't worry about it."

"We will never trade fist bumps or high fives."

"Colonel Mustard, in the Library, with a Candlestick."

"You're a bit of douchebag."

"You lied to me. You know what lying does? It makes baby elephants cry. So that means you're on par with an...(OVER)...IVORY POACHER!!!"

"Lost German Shepherd/Collie. Responds to 'Gringo.' Has sock in stomach. Reward: Negotiable."

"Whenever I see you...I get so weak in my knees, I just can't speak. I lose all control, and something takes over me. Also, the backs of my knees get sweaty."

"You have five minutes to leave this town."

"I have your goldfish and your iPod. One of them is not going to make it through the night."

As you can see, threats are best way to deal with problems. Keep this in mind in the workplace, the gym, and the grocery store.