Reader Non-Recommendations

Every day, I come across an item in our library system that surprises me. I'm not mystified why we carry it (because we cater to all people, of all ages, races, creeds, etc., etc.), but I'd like to know who in my county thirsts for this kind of stuff. Mostly, I imagine myself trying to recommend them to people. "Oh, so you're really into great-looking boat motors. Well, have I got a book for you. It's called 'Beautiful Outboards.'"

Here are five other titles I'd have a problem pushing on my patrons (though I fully support their freedom to check them out and our decisions to purchase them - I am certainly not wavering on my responsibility as a librarian to respect patrons' diverse interests and needs - and I recognize I'm totally judging these books by their covers). The first selection is there for the reason that I wouldn't know how to promote it:

"Whoreson: the story of a ghetto pimp" by Donald Goines
Summary: Born and bred to the violent life of ghetto prostitution, the son of a beautiful Black prostitute and an unknown john, Whoreson Jones thinks he has it all figured out--until his self assurance is shaken by betrayal.

"Brides of the Impaler" by Edward Lee
Summary: The nuns in a NYC convent are actually vampires intent on resurrecting Dracula himself!

"Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: kick-ass recipes for hungry girls who to stop cooking crap (and start looking hot!)" by Rory Freedman
Summary: This sequel to the fabulously successful "Skinny Bitch" will inspire Skinnyitches to don an apron over their skinny frames and get cooking!

"Hot Stuff" by Carly Phillips
Summary: Annabelle Jordan and her two sisters were orphans in frilly dresses when they went to live with their sports-lawyer uncle in his world of locker rooms, bookies and gambling. Now the girls are publicists in their uncle's firm, The Hot Zone. Despite her upbringing, Annabelle is all woman. She's naturally drawn to real men--like her latest client, ex-football legend and businessman Brandon Vaughn. The chemistry is potent, undeniable, irresistible. But Annabelle soon realizes that Brandon is much more than just another jock. And that she'd better hold on tight if she doesn't want to lose her heart.

"Home Team" (DVD)
Summary: Henry's gambling addiction ruined his soccer career and landed him in jail. As a condition of his parole, he must perform community service at a children's home for abandoned boys. The kids decide to form a real soccer team find a sponsor and join the inner-city league. Only problem is they are terrible. Can Henry help out?
(This movie stars Steve Gutenberg and tries to be like "Ladybugs," except without Rodney Dangerfield or any sense of self-respect)