We've all read the sides of beer cans. "Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery." It doesn't specify what kind of machinery, or say, the difference between using a blender to make a margarita and driving a forklift into oncoming traffic. But I think we can all agree with the general statement.
A few days ago, I was watching film previews on a DVD and I got a different sort of warning. During an advertisement for the movie "State of Play," there was a message that read: This film contains depictions of tobacco consumption.
Okay. Thank you for pointing that out. I was getting really excited about watching Russell Crowe's latest political thriller, but now...NOW I will abstain. Because the sight of someone smoking causes me to have seizures that are untreatable with modern medicine. The actual act of a person using a Zippo causes instant vertigo. This was so helpful of you, film industry. You just saved me from unspeakable pain and outrage.
Another warning I discovered recently was on the back of my Speed Stick Gel deodorant. It caused me a bit of concern. On the same sticker that promotes it uses as (1) reduces underarm wetness and (2) extra effective, it reads: Ask a doctor before you use if you have kidney disease.
What would happen if I did have kidney disease? Would my armpits melt? Or would my kidneys take unkindly to the Aqua Sport fragance? Regardless, if I have sick kidneys, I would be robbed of a deodorant that is extra effective. I would smell like rubbish. People wouldn't sit next to me on the bus.
That's why I've made the choice to never have kidney disease. Or never acknowledge it. I want to be smelling great until the day I die.
If you do have kidney disease, you should avoid tripropylene glycol. Propylene glycol by itself isn't bad. But once it's been tripled, watch out!
