Suggestions From The 2 Bus

Everyday on the bus, I receive lots of messages. Messages that I try to drone out with my iPod and by generally avoiding eye contact with passengers. Of course, when I avert my eyes from passengers, I sometimes look up and see the bus advertisements, that are also incredible sources of knowledge. So far, I've learned the following things:

• Smoking is bad (from various memos by miserable smokers who express regret over their habits and how they're about to die; the ads are handwritten to imply that they're real)
• Terrorists are among us (the ad copy reads: "We can always use an extra pair of eyes. Look around. Be aware. If something doesn't look right, please let us know.")
• Don't abandon your baby (that one is pretty straightforward; I can see how leaving your infant in a garbage can or in a cockfight arena might be troublesome)

All great advice.
Still, the bus public service ads are not as convincing as the arguments of other passengers. Today, a man was trying to convince the bus driver that air-conditioned buses are healthier. Without A/C, he insisted, we would just be inhaling exhaust all day. He decided to ignore the following information:
(1) air-conditioned buses only make bus rides more comfortable for 1-2 months a year in the Puget Sound
(2) sudden changes in temperature (from hot to cold and cold to hot) place stress on the physiology of the human body and may make it more susceptible to illness
(3) air-conditioned buses are more expensive and wasteful
(4) freon vapor is heavier than air and can cause suffocation by reducing oxygen available for breathing (although this isn't worrisome unless there's a considerable leak and you're trapped inside a submarine).
The strangest thing about the passenger's complaint? It was a cool, comfortable day.

A few weeks ago, another piece of advice entered my brain: Don't ever steal pickle juice from a crazy woman!
This was confirmed after listening to a lengthy monologue. Here's an abbreviated version:
"It all started with a jar of pickle juice...Pickle juice will clean out your system. I think it's your intestine. Every day I do a few shots of pickle juice - combined with water - and I'm good...He threw out my pickle juice, and I almost broke his fuckin' nose. If I'd had my phone on me, my dad would have been there in ten [minutes]. He would've beat Josh's ass. He's used to takin' on 20 people at once...If only I had my phone on me."