Inside the Actor's Studio: 2013 Madness Awards!

Now that baseball season has started and the trophy has been handed to Colin, let's take a look at individual performances. Not all of us were worthy of taking home a statue. In fact, some of you looked like you were phoning it in for an infomercial gig or a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie. See below for your actor and actress ranks. Were you like Lea Thompson in "Back to the Future" or like Lea Thompson in "Caroline in the City?"

Starting with yours truly...


Commish
Finish : 3
Points : 107
Percentile : 89.66
Nickname : Tony Danza
2013 Actor Rank : Tom Hanks
Similar to Performance in : "Turner and Hooch"

Brock
Finish : 17
Points : 68
Percentile : 41.38
Nickname : Steve Buscemi
2013 Actor Rank : Leslie Nielsen
Similar to Performance in : "Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult"

Tom
Finish : 11
Points : 84
Percentile : 62.07
Nickname : Sam Shepard
2013 Actor Rank : Sam Elliott
Similar to Performance in : "The Big Lebowski"

Rick (brother)
Finish : 22
Points : 56
Percentile : 24.14
Nickname : Burt Reynolds
2013 Actor Rank : Macaulay Culkin
Similar to Performance in : "The Good Son"
:
Nancy (Mom)
Finish : 21
Points : 58
Percentile : 27.59
Nickname : Melissa McBride
2013 Actor Rank : Rebecca Romijn
Similar to Performance in : "X-Men: The Last Stand"

Tina (sister-in-law)
Finish : 3
Points : 107
Percentile : 89.66
Nickname : Betty White
2013 Actor Rank : Ava Gardner
Similar to Performance in : "The Night of the Iguana"

Jim (Dad)
Finish : 25
Points : 54
Percentile : 13.79
Nickname : Sean Penn
2013 Actor Rank : Tom Arnold
Similar to Performance in : "Soul Plane"

Peter L.
Finish : 2
Points : 108
Percentile : 93.10
Nickname : Kevin Bacon
2013 Actor Rank : Anthony Hopkins
Similar to Performance in :  "The Remains of the Day"

Aunt Pat
Finish : 19
Points : 63
Percentile : 34.48
Nickname : Vivien Leigh
2013 Actor Rank : Sean Young
Similar to Performance in : "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"

Charles
Finish : 24
Points : 55
Percentile : 17.24
Nickname : John Wilkes Booth
2013 Actor Rank : Matthew Lilliard
Similar to Performance in : "Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed"

Michael B.
Finish : 28
Points : 48
Percentile : 3.45
Nickname : Bela Lugosi
2013 Actor Rank : Pauly Shore
Similar to Performance in : "In The Army Now"

Brian
Finish : 13
Points : 75
Percentile : 55.17
Nickname : Your Friend, Billy Zane
2013 Actor Rank : Ben Affleck
Similar to Performance in : "The Sum of All Fears"

Michael Heiser
Finish : 17
Points : 68
Percentile : 41.38
Nickname : Michael Heiser
2013 Actor Rank : Leslie Nielsen
Similar to Performance in : "Mr. Magoo"

Alison Heiser
Finish : 25
Points : 54
Percentile : 13.79
Nickname : Katharine Hepburn
2013 Actor Rank : Kate Bosworth
Similar to Performance in : "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!"

Robert
Finish : 15
Points : 71
Percentile : 48.28
Nickname : Dwayne The Rock Johnson
2013 Actor Rank : Topher Grace
Similar to Performance in : "Mona Lisa Smile"

Bill Bowman
Finish : 7
Points : 95
Percentile : 75.86
Nickname : Curly Howard (Three Stooges)
2013 Actor Rank : Sean Penn
Similar to Performance in : "Carlito's Way"

Kim
Finish : 25
Points : 54
Percentile : 13.79
Nickname : James Dean
2013 Actor Rank : Tom Arnold
Similar to Performance in : "Cradle 2 the Grave" (starring Jet Li and DMX)

Uncle Bill
Finish : 8
Points : 94
Percentile : 72.41
Nickname : William Holden
2013 Actor Rank : Peter Sarsgaard
Similar to Performance in : "An Education"

Missy
Finish : 29
Points : 31
Percentile : 0.00
Nickname : Meryl Streep
2013 Actor Rank : Paris Hilton
Similar to Performance in : "House of Wax"

Colin
Finish : 1
Points : 111
Percentile : 96.55
Nickname : Mel Blanc
2013 Actor Rank : Jack Nicholson
Similar to Performance in : "The Shining"

Bruce
Finish : 9
Points : 91
Percentile : 68.97
Nickname : Bob Hope
2013 Actor Rank : Bruce Willis
Similar to Performance in : "The Fifth Element"

Greg
Finish : 10
Points : 89
Percentile : 65.52
Nickname : The Fightin' Bob Rosses
2013 Actor Rank : Jake Gyllenhaal
Similar to Performance in : "October Sky"

Tim D.
Finish : 12
Points : 82
Percentile : 58.62
Nickname : Bubba Gump
2013 Actor Rank : Alan Alda
Similar to Performance in : "Manhattan Murder Mystery"

Vinay
Finish : 20
Points : 59
Percentile : 31.03
Nickname : Vin Diesel
2013 Actor Rank : Robert Pattinson
Similar to Performance in : "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"

Erica
Finish : 22
Points : 56
Percentile : 24.14
Nickname : Julia Roberts
2013 Actor Rank : Katherine Heigl
Similar to Performance in : "27 Dresses"

Layli
Finish : 6
Points : 101
Percentile : 79.31
Nickname : Dame Judi Dench
2013 Actor Rank : Natalie Portman
Similar to Performance in : "V for Vendetta"

Bill Rochfort
Finish : 5
Points : 103
Percentile : 82.76
Nickname : Bill Rochfort
2013 Actor Rank : James Stewart
Similar to Performance in : "Rear Window"

Aunt Marilyn
Finish : 13
Points : 75
Percentile : 55.17
Nickname : Kim Novak
2013 Actor Rank : Maria Bello
Similar to Performance in : "Coyote Ugly"

Ryan Talbot
Finish : 16
Points : 69
Percentile : 44.83
Nickname : Pauly Shore
2013 Actor Rank : Chris Pine
Similar to Performance in : "Star Trek"

Have a good rest of the year, y'all!

Blockbusters and Box Office Duds

Welcome back for the second round of introductions, March Madness players! 

At this point, your bracket picks might not look too promising. If that's not the case, give it a couple days. 

Either way, here's a chance beef up on your movie knowledge and get to know your competition before the second week of games start. I was forced to get creative with players who did not change their names for this year's pool. Apparently, Bill and Michael can't pretend to be someone they're not and they both believe in personal integrity. They're never going to make it in Hollywood.

Michael B.

Name: Bela Lugosi

Best Known For His Role in: “Dracula” (1931)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Zombies on Broadway” (1945)

Aunt Marilyn

Name: Kim Novak

Best Known For Her Role in: “Vertigo” (1958)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Just A Gigolo” (1978)

Aunt Pat

Name: Vivien Leigh

Best Known For Her Role in: “Gone With The Wind” (1939)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Dark Journey” (1937)

Alison (cousin)

Name: Katharine Hepburn

Best Known For Her Role in: “Bringing Up Baby” (1938)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “The Iron Petticoat” (1956, with Bob Hope)

Vinay (old tennis doubles partner)

Name: Vin Diesel

Best Known For His Role in: “xXx” (2002)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “The Pacifier” (2005)

Bill Rochfort

Name: Bill Rochfort

Best Known For His Role in: Global Payout, Inc. http://globalpayout.info/files/BillRochfortBio_2010.pdf

Most Questionable Acting Decision: Nothing that I can find, but he’s also a talented artist: http://www.willrochfort.com/thumbnails/

Robert

Name: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Best Known For His Role in: “Wrestlemania XX” (2004)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Wrestlemania XXVII” (2011)

Colin

Name: Mel Blanc

Best Known For His Role in: “The Flintstones” (Barney Rubble) and “The Bugs Bunny Show”

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “The Peter Potamus Show” (Sneezly Seal)

Layli (Brian's GF)

Name: Dame Judi Dench

Best Known For Her Role in: “Chocolat” (2000) or “Casino Royale” (2006) - based on your gender

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Chronicles of Riddick” (2004)

Michael Heiser (Alison’s son)

Name: Michael Heiser

Best Known For His Role in: “Ancient Aliens Debunked” 

http://ancientaliensdebunked.com/mike-heiser/

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Zecharia Sitchin is a FRAUD!” http://extraterrestrials.me/michael-s-heiser-ph-d-zecharia-sitchin-is-a-fraud/

Bruce

Name: Bob Hope

Best Known For His Role in: hosting the Academy Awards 14 times

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Call Me Bwana” (1963) - I’m guessing it contains politically correct depictions of African tribesmen

And finally, here are four out of our past five pool champions (Sue Bowman is on a yearly sabbatical):

Bill Bowman

Name: Curly Howard (of the Three Stooges)

Best Known For His Role in: “Disorder in the Court” (1936)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Hold That Lion!” (1947)

Kim

Name: James Dean

Best Known For His Role in: “Rebel Without A Cause” (1955)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Has Anybody Seen My Gal” (1952)

Tina (sister-in-law)

Name: Betty White

Best Known For Her Role in: “Golden Girls” (1985-1992)

Most Questionable Acting Decision: “Hard Rain” (1998) - a movie where it rains really hard, starring Christian Slater

Charles

Name: John Wilkes Booth

Best Known For His Role in: “The Apostate” as the villain Duke Pescara

Most Questionable Acting Decision: Conspiring with the Confederate Secret Service

Hope this has been informative and entertaining, like the local news. Maybe slightly less depressing.

Have fun watching hoops!

A Few Degrees of Kevin Bacon

Time to mingle with the stars, and see who's who on the red carpet. Here are the players in the 2013 March Madness pool - friends, relatives, and confidants alike.
As you can see, I have assigned a Bacon Number and Zane Number to each actor and actress.
A Bacon Number represents the degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. Number 1 means the actor appeared in the same movie as Bacon, Number 2 means the actor appeared in a movie with another actor who appeared in a different movie with Bacon, and so on...
The Zane Number is the same principle, but applies to the wonderful and mysterious Billy Zane.
(Thanks to the Oracle of Bacon website for connecting the dots for me!)

Peter L. (stepcousin)
Name: Kevin Bacon
Bacon Number: 0
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "In The Cut" and "Zoolander"

Erica (co-worker)
Name: Julia Roberts
Bacon Number: 1
*Connected through "Flatliners"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "Critters"

Rick (brother)
Name: Burt Reynolds
Bacon Number: 1
*Connected through "Starting Over"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Nickelodeon" and "Critters"

Missy
Name: Meryl Streep
Bacon Number: 1
*Connected through "The River Wild"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Silkwood" and "Critters"

Jim (Dad)
Name: Sean Penn
Bacon Number: 1
*Connected through "Mystic River"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "At Close Range" and "Back to the Future"

Ryan Talbot
Name: Pauly Shore
Bacon Number: 1
*Connected through "Skum Rocks!" (2013) - a little misleading because this movie hasn't come out yet
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "For Keeps?" and "Critters"

Brian
Name: Your Friend, Billy Zane
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "Zoolander" and "In The Cut"
Zane Number: 0

Uncle Bill
Name: William Holden
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "The Towering Inferno" and "Wild Things"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "The Devil's Brigade" and "Back to the Future"

Commish
Name: Tony Danza
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "Crash" and "Loverboy"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Angels in the Outfield" and "Back to the Future"

Greg
Name: The Fightin' Bob Rosses
Bacon Number: Infinity
Zane Number: Infinity

Brock
Name: Steve Buscemi
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "Handsome Harry" and "Cavedweller"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Youth in Revolt" and "Critters"

Tim D.
Name: Bubba Gump (Mykelti Williamson)
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "Heat" and "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home" and "Critters"

Tom
Name: Sam Shepard
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "Curtain Call" and "Mystic River"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Black Hawk Down" and "The Ghost of Goodnight Lane"

Nancy (Mom)
Name: Melissa McBride
Bacon Number: 2
*Connected through "The Mist" and "Mystic River"
Zane Number: 2
*Connected through "Delgo" and "The Employer"

Stay tuned for more player introductions...and awards!

Who Is Sydney Pollack?

Welcome March Madness participants (and random surfers of the inter-webs)!
It's my first blog post of the spring, and I can promise you I've been studying up for the coming tournament...

Not by looking at college basketball stats, though. I've been busy creating statistics of my own, and I've focused my attention on the competition - YOU!
After 12 years of running the Player's Club Invitational, the Commish has collected quite a few numbers on player performance (except for 2002 and 2003). Now it's time to break them down, and see who's been maximizing their bracket potential on a consistent basis. (Hint: It's not Robert)

A quick discussion of my methodology:
For each player, I tabulated results on (a) annual finish i.e. 1st, 2nd, 3rd place, (b) annual total points, and (c) annual percentile rank (because the amount of participants changes each year). I averaged all of these numbers over the last 9 years. In order to make these numbers easy to understand, I assigned players an actor or actress name. The average percentile rank corresponds with a thespian in the 2013 Commishtical Index of Acting (CIA). The CIA rankings were partly determined by data from the AMC Movie Database, Box Office Mojo, and the Golden Raspberry Awards and partly determined by my personal judgment.
As an example, if you usually finish in the 92nd percentile, you're on par with Paul Newman or Grace Kelly. However, if you usually place in the 3rd percentile, you're a regular Pauly Shore or Elizabeth Berkley, making bad choices year after year (or you're no longer getting work).
In addition, I provided the last good movie of each actor/actress (6.8 rating or better of a film (not animated or TV movie) on IMDB).

(By the way, I currently only have results for people who played in last year's pool.
The Commishtical Index of Acting 2013 is available upon request.)

Look below to see if you're an Oscar contender, or if you're getting ripped by Rotten Tomatoes.
Let's start with the five rookies from last year:


Sharon (stepmom)
2012 Finish : 2
2012 Points : 137
2012 Percentile : 93
Actor/Actress Rank : Elizabeth Taylor
Last Good Movie : Reflections In a Golden Eye (1967)

Brett
2012 Finish : 14
2012 Points : 80
2012 Percentile : 53
Actor/Actress Rank : Jesse Eisenberg
Last Good Movie : The Social Network (2010)


Colin
2012 Finish : 23
2012 Points : 59
2012 Percentile : 23
Actor/Actress Rank : Sylvester Stallone
Last Good Movie : Rocky Balboa (2006)


Greg
2012 Finish : 4
2012 Points : 109
2012 Percentile : 87
Actor/Actress Rank : Humphrey Bogart
Last Good Movie : The Harder They Fall (1956)

Tim D.
2012 Finish : 5
2012 Points : 109
2012 Percentile : 83
Actor/Actress Rank : James Stewart
Last Good Movie : The Shootist (1976)

As you can tell, some of our rookies are quite talented, but they need to keep honing their craft if they want to be relevant a few years from now.  Here's a look at the pool veterans, starting with yours truly.  For the record, I think Casey Affleck is a better actor than Ben Affleck:


The Commish
Average Finish : 12
Average Points : 87
Average Percentile : 55
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Ben Affleck
Last Good Movie : Argo (2012)

Brock
Average Finish : 14
Average Points : 82
Average Percentile : 48
Experience : 8 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Topher Grace
Last Good Movie : Traffic (2000)

Bill Butler
Average Finish : 5
Average Points : 100
Average Percentile : 82
Experience : 4 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Christoph Waltz
Last Good Movie : Django Unchained (2012)

Tom
Average Finish : 11
Average Points : 85
Average Percentile : 59
Experience : 8 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Frank Langella
Last Good Movie : Robot and Frank (2012)

Rick (brother)
Average Finish : 13
Average Points : 77
Average Percentile : 49
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Luke Wilson
Last Good Movie : 3:10 to Yuma (2007)

Nancy (Mom)
Average Finish : 15
Average Points : 76
Average Percentile : 38
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Chloe Moretz
Last Good Movie : Hugo (2011)

Tina (sister-in-law)
Average Finish : 9
Average Points : 91
Average Percentile : 64
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Anne Bancroft
Last Good Movie : Torch Song Trilogy (1988)






Jim (Dad)
Average Finish : 9
Average Points : 90
Average Percentile : 64
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Casey Affleck
Last Good Movie : Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Peter L.
Average Finish : 9
Average Points : 87
Average Percentile : 65
Experience : 7 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Jake Gyllenhaal
Last Good Movie End of Watch (2012)

Aunt Pat
Average Finish : 14
Average Points : 73
Average Percentile : 47
Experience : 7 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Kristen Bell
Last Good Movie : Stuck in Love (2012)

Charles (The Chuckman)
Average Finish : 13
Average Points : 80
Average Percentile : 47
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Eddie Murphy
Last Good Movie : Coming to America (1988)

Paula (cousin)
Average Finish : 14
Average Points : 81
Average Percentile : 48
Experience : 8 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Sarah Michelle Gellar
Last Good Movie : The Air I Breathe (2007)

Michael B.
Average Finish : 17
Average Points : 65
Average Percentile : 35
Experience : 7 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Chris Hemsworth
Last Good Movie : The Avengers (2012)

Brian (Showcase)
Average Finish : 12
Average Points : 81
Average Percentile : 53
Experience : 8 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Jesse Eisenberg
Last Good Movie : The Social Network (2010)

Michael H. (son of Alison)
Average Finish : 14
Average Points : 78
Average Percentile : 46
Experience : 8 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Rob Lowe
Last Good Movie : Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Alison (cousin)
Average Finish : 17
Average Points : 71
Average Percentile : 35
Experience : 9 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Michelle Monaghan
Last Good Movie : Machine Gun Preacher (2011)

Robert
Average Finish : 20
Average Points : 65
Average Percentile : 24
Experience : 7 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Macaulay Culkin
Last Good Movie : Saved! (2004)

Bill Bowman
Average Finish : 14
Average Points : 81
Average Percentile : 43
Experience : 5 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Sydney Pollack
Last Good Movie : Michael Clayton (2007)

Sue Bowman
Average Finish : 12
Average Points : 81
Average Percentile : 54
Experience : 5 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Katie Holmes
Last Good Movie : Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Kim
Average Finish : 13
Average Points : 79
Average Percentile : 52
Experience : 5 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Ethan Hawke
Last Good Movie : Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)


Uncle Bill
Average Finish : 10
Average Points : 92
Average Percentile : 61
Experience : 6 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Timothy Olyphant
Last Good Movie : Live Free or Die Hard (2007)


Jamie DiFranco
Average Finish : 24
Average Points : 57
Average Percentile : 14
Experience : 3 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Tom Arnold
Last Good Movie : Gardens of the Night (2008)

Bruce
Average Finish : 18
Average Points : 58
Average Percentile : 31
Experience : 3 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Robert Pattinson
Last Good Movie : Water for Elephants (2011)


And the best for last...

Missy
Average Finish : 17
Average Points : 59
Average Percentile : 37
Experience : 2 years
Actor/Actress Rank : Zhang Ziyi
Last Good Movie : Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)



To answer my original question, Sydney Pollack is an actor from such films as "Eyes Wide Shut" and " Tootsie" AND an Oscar-winning director ("Out of Africa").
He is pictured above with Meryl Streep. She's been in a few good movies, but I can't think of one off the top of my head...

Dining in the Year 2013

On Friday, I treated myself to a meal at the Skillet Diner in Capitol Hill. While I waited for my sandwich, a friendly tattooed waiter in a red flannel shirt served me a fruit fresca. I sipped on my drink and savored the strawberry, celery and lime combination. I poured myself a glass of water. Then I began writing in my journal at the bar counter, effectively signaling to everyone that I am a deeply introspective and creative person. Five or ten minutes passed. I put down my pen and glanced at the television. Then I checked my phone for sports news. Still waiting on the sandwich, I watched the waitstaff restocking sugar packets and refilling drinks. I observed a tattooed customer seated on a barstool eating his sandwich. He was finishing his meal and eager to get the bill.

Whenever I'm eating alone at a restaurant, it feels like an eternity. There's only the conversation in my head to keep me entertained. It's strange that I feel the need to be busy or at least look busy. I was happy there was a television. It gave me an excuse to look up. The sound was off, but its pictures told me things: "Football Player Fast. Catch Good." Nothing insightful, just a loop of sports highlights. Athletes in slow motion celebrations.

One year from now, my dining experiences will be radically different. I will have a son or a daughter on my lap or close to my chest. I will not look like a struggling writer or an educated vagrant. I will be a doting father, making sure the diaper is dry and the baby is comfortable and amused. I'll be waiting for the child to wake up or take a nap, studying the movement of his or her eyelids like a sleep scientist. My backpack will be replaced by a baby bag. Books, papers, and headphones left at home. Toys and bottles and butt wipes at the ready. Things in case of a baby emergency - that's what I'll remember when I'm leaving the house.

Next year, as I stumble out the door, with an infant in a sling, I will no longer be reduced to the lonely decisions of an unemployed man:

What coffee shop is best for my concentration?
Do I deserve a scone?
Is it too late in the afternoon for caffeine?
Should I feel bad about not having a job?
What's the capital of Cameroon?
What is the absolute quickest way to get rich, without compromising myself?
What is the absolute quickest way to get rich, with compromising myself?
If I made a movie of my life, what would it be called? "National Treasure 3?"

Instead I will think of him or her...the tiny person pressed gently against my shirt, perhaps drooling and asleep, or noisy and awake, and how to keep that person happy.
Little BeastHawk or RainUnit.
Names pending.

Definitely in favor of a first name with capital letters, like LeBron.

My Unconventional Final Four Predictions

With Saturday's semifinal games approaching, all four teams seem capable of capturing the title. All of the Final Four teams have knocked off a No. 1 seed to get to New Orleans, except for Kentucky, the remaining No. 1 in the bunch.

Louisville plays a smothering defense and has allowed 57.5 points per game in the tournament. Their offense is not exactly high-powered, but it's well-balanced, with six players averaging over 9 points per game. The Cardinals usually make up for their streaky shooting with good rebounding. When they play the Wildcats this weekend, there is an extra incentive to winning - beating their in-state rival...and it goes deeper than that: Louisville head coach Rick Pitino doesn't like Kentucky head coach John Calipari. Especially after Calipari stole recruit Marquis Teague away from Louisville, and after he called Kentucky "the only real program in the state."

Although it's going to take more than bad blood to beat Kentucky. The Wildcats have been on a roll in the tournament, winning all four games by 12 points or more, and averaging 88 points per contest (10 more points than their season average). Kentucky is loaded with freshman talent, the best one being Anthony Davis, who averages over 14 points, 10 rebounds, and 4 blocks per game. He is one of three freshman Wildcats heading to the NBA next year (projected), and two upperclassmen, Doron Lamb and Darius Miller, will also be joining them. So it's now or never for this group.

The Ohio State Buckeyes are little more experienced. They start four sophomores and a senior. One of them, forward Jared Sullinger, was considered a one-and-doner, but he decided to return for a second year, and it's the biggest reason the Buckeyes are back in the Final Four. Sullinger is part of a three-headed scoring attack, along with forward Deshaun Thomas and guard William Buford - all of them average over 14 ppg, and all of them are capable of hitting three-pointers. In addition, the Buckeyes only allow 60 points per game on defense.

Finally, let's discuss the team that always seems to destroy my bracket. I took the Kansas Jayhawks as my champion the last two years (along with President Obama), and both years, they couldn't even make the Final Four (losing to Northern Iowa in the second round in 2010 and to VCU in the Elite Eight in 2011). Understandably, I had lost all faith in the Jayhawks, and now they are two wins away from the title. Like the remaining teams in the tournament, Kansas is defense-oriented (something to take into account next March). The team allows the third-lowest FG percentage in the nation - opponents only shoot 38% against them. The Jayhawks' only major flaw appears to be three point shooting - 23.4%! Yikes.

So which team will reign supreme and manage to pull off two wins this weekend? After looking at the statistical strengths and weaknesses, I don't think any of the numbers really matter. In the last seven years, I've only guessed one champion correctly. I would have been better off making my bracket picks after consulting a six year-old, or if I was a six year-old myself. And that convinced me I need to simplify my thinking about predictions.

For instance...how often does the Final Four Champion sport the color blue on their uniforms? In the last 27 years (since the field expanded to 64 or more teams), the champion has worn blue 20 times (including powder blue). Seventy-four percent of the time - that's a pretty good indicator of success.

Second, what kind of team mascots do well in the NCAA tournament? Of the last 27 winners, over half (14) have been animals (Gators, Huskies, etc.), six have been people (Spartans, Rebels, Hoosiers, etc.), six have been mythical figures (Blue Devils, Jayhawks, etc.), and one has been a color (Orange). In 2012, animal teams are 36-35 (felines are 11-7), people names are 14-21, mythical figures are 5-4, and colors are 3-2 in the tournament...and, by the way, nature mascots (Buckeyes and Cyclones) are 5-1.

Third, how often is the Final Four Champion from a Confederate or Union state? Since 1985, 17 out of the 27 champions have come from Union States (with Duke, UNC, Florida, and Arkansas grabbing the rest of them for the Confederate states). In the tournament this year, teams from Union states are 32-24, while Confederate state teams are 17-20.

Using these new criteria (colors, Civil War loyalties, and mascots), I believe I can accurately predict the outcome of this week's games. Since all of the teams are from Union states, I can eliminate that factor. Okay, let's get down to guestimatin'.

Louisville vs. Kentucky

Color: Wildcat Blue beats Cardinal Red

Mascot: Both are animals, but felines have been particularly successful this March, so Wildcats get the nod

Winner: Kentucky

Ohio State vs. Kansas

Color: Jayhawk Blue beats Buckeye Red

Mascot: A team with a nature mascot has only won a title once since 1939 (Ohio State in 1960), so edge goes to Kansas (mythical figures have won 25% of the time since 1988)

Winner: Kansas

Kentucky vs. Kansas
Color: Push - both teams sport blue
Mascot: Since the field increased to 64, animals have been more successful than mythical figures, which favors the Wildcats

Winner: Kentucky

And there you have it. If I would have used this kind of logic when I filled out my brackets, I would be on top of the leaderboard, instead of Charles (now I've really jinxed him).

Note: I borrowed some of the 2012 research on states and mascots from Shane Ryan at grantland.com.